Pain Healer

This post is on a subject that I have been trying to write about for many months, but until now I’ve not been able to get it clear enough in my mind to set down. It is about what happens when the relationship between a daughter and her father gets distorted in childhood, and I have seen the effects in my therapy work in a large number of my female clients. I suspect that it afflicts many submissive women, and it may indeed be the primary driving force behind many D/s relationships between a male Dom and female sub. What makes the father-daughter wound so hard to describe is that the consequences in the life of the daughter can be as varied as they are far reaching. Relationships, career, social life, home life, all can be affected. There may be uncontrolled rage or helpless timidity, fears and panics or iron-clad defences, frigidity or sexual addiction. There may be a relentless searching for the right relationship, or a life of lonely isolation. Almost any psychological pola...

When I read the blogs and websites of D/s practitioners I see a huge amount of experimentation going on into diverse forms of relationship. I regard the people who try out these relationships as true pioneers, boldly going where the less adventurous don’t dare. In my opinion these pioneers are doing mankind a service, if current divorce rates are anything to go by. I’m not indiscriminately glorifying D/s relationships, because I’m sure that they have their share of problems. In any situation where there is experimentation there has to be failure. But if we are to do anything about reducing the human misery that unhappy and failed marriages cause, it must be worth reviewing what these pioneers are doing to see what might be helpful to others. The following is an incomplete list of some of the dysfunctional relationships I see on a daily basis: Relationships that are unduly restrictive, forcing one partner or both to suppress a significant part of their p...