Submissiveness - serving two masters

This post is about a life situation that seems quite frequent - where a woman with submissive inclinations is married to a man who has no affinity for being dominant. As she starts to explore her true nature, the tensions between the call of her Self and the obligations of marriage can stretch her emotionally to breaking point. I hope that this situation is improving - the internet provides so much more information about sexuality now that it is easier to learn who you are at an earlier age. However it can take a long time to understand yourself, so it's still quite possible to end up being married before your submissive nature reveals itself. If you find yourself in this dilemma, it is very important to be clear. As a married submissive woman your husband is your Master. You cannot have a Dominant "on the side" and expect it to work, because this type of relationship is basically one of deception. I realise how hard this situation can be
What follows is my old Fetlife profile. I'm changing it to something much simpler on that site, but I don't want to lose this one as I spent a lot of time working on it.... I see myself foremost as a healer, but also as a disciplinarian - these two belong together in my personality. I have many years of experience in psychology, psychotherapy, coaching and personal development. I have helped many people using these skills, but in so doing I have met others, often extraordinarily talented and creative people, who were unable to fully benefit from these approaches because they lacked the necessary discipline. At the time my professional ethics made it impossible to provide the discipline that was lacking, but I am now creating a new lifestyle for myself where this becomes possible. I am renovating a property in the Scottish Highlands in which I plan to run workshops in the future. In the meantime the building and land needs a lot of work doing to it, so there is

Through submissiveness to higher consciousness

Although some people are more naturally submissive than others, submissiveness is a quality which can be developed through practice, discipline and training, under the guidance of someone with the specialised knowledge of what is required. It may be helpful to think of the development of a submissive as going through a series of stages. Stage 1 In this stage the individual is not aware that they are actually submissive, they haven't thought of themselves in those terms yet. There will be signs and indications of course, they will be aware that they are different from other people, but they may not realise that there are others like themselves. The submissiveness may reveal itself through particular types of fantasies, an attraction to austerity and a rejection of self-indulgence. This individual may have a tendency to defer to other people, to sit quietly in the background rather than join in with conversations, or to apologise for themselves a lot. Stage 2 There comes a time wh

Punishment in the training of a Submissive

I made many attempts at writing a rationale and justification for punishment as a component of a submissive's training, before concluding that I was wasting my time. Training as a submissive without punishment is like trying to play the game of cricket without cricket bats: it would be a pointless exercise.  Willingness to accept punishment is such a fundamental component of submissiveness that if you are firmly opposed to the idea you should probably read no further. Paradoxically the other extreme is also true – if you could willingly accept any amount of punishment and masochistically enjoy every second of it then it is unlikely to have the corrective effect necessary. Ideally you should view the prospect of being punished with a certain amount of fear and trepidation, while accepting that it will do you good and resolving to suffer it willingly and bravely. If you have never been punished before that is not a problem - all you need is a willingness to experience it. It is impo

Barriers to obedience

You long to submit, you find someone worthy who is willing to accept your submission, they give you a simple task to perform which you gladly accept, you set out with good intentions determined to please - and you can't do it. What has happened? There may be a number of reasons, but the most common is fear. Fear blocks us, prevents us from growing and reaching our full potential. Rather than deal with it we seek out a "comfort zone" where we're not exposed to the fear and quietly forget it's there. An experienced Dominant will quickly spot your avoidance and set you a task that forces you to tackle it head on, at which point you arrive at the uncomfortable conclusion - "I can't do it". Does this mean that you're a bad submissive, a hopeless case? No, it means that you have a fear (or guilt, shame, or other negative emotion) that rises up when triggered and makes it impossible to do the required task. Fear is endemic - there are very few people t

Bar Time

How does a Dom punish his or her submissive when they are thousands of miles apart and rarely, if ever meet?  I describe here one of the methods I use. It's based on a similar principle to Corner Time, which is a frequently used form of mild punishment, involving standing in a corner for an extended period of time.  Corner Time can be used as a "cooling off" process, or as a technique for creating anticipatory anxiety in advance of something even more unpleasant.  What is described here is a variant of corner time which I call Bar Time . I prefer it because it requires a more submissive position (the typical bend-over-for-a-caning position), thereby having a more powerful psychological impact. It's also a lot more physically challenging - holding the position for any length of time can become quite painful and a real ordeal, so the severity of punishment entailed can be set by adjusting the duration. Construction The Bar is essentially a horizontal metal pole s

Submissive service and health

As a Dom I'm very demanding in areas such as obedience, discipline, self-development and service. It takes a lot of time and mental effort to train a submissive, even if the relationship is purely online, and in return I expect a sub to work as hard as possible at the tasks I set. In order to achieve this level of dedication to service, a submissive needs to be healthy, both mentally and physically. The sad truth is that this is getting ever harder to achieve. I read some statistics recently that if you include obesity and mental health issues, around 60% of Americans have a chronic illness of some sort. The UK is not far behind. The most depressing statistic is that children are almost as badly off for illnesses as adults, with diseases such as autism increasing exponentially. I first became aware of the seriousness of this issue over a year ago when my local medical centre ran a public meeting, and at that meeting their presentation showed that 30% of their pat