Punishment in the training of a Submissive

I made many attempts at writing a rationale and justification for punishment as a component of a submissive's training, before concluding that I was wasting my time. Training as a submissive without punishment is like trying to play the game of cricket without cricket bats: it would be a pointless exercise.  Willingness to accept punishment is such a fundamental component of submissiveness that if you are firmly opposed to the idea you should probably read no further.

Paradoxically the other extreme is also true – if you could willingly accept any amount of punishment and masochistically enjoy every second of it then it is unlikely to have the corrective effect necessary. Ideally you should view the prospect of being punished with a certain amount of fear and trepidation, while accepting that it will do you good and resolving to suffer it willingly and bravely. If you have never been punished before that is not a problem - all you need is a willingness to experience it.

It is important to state at this point that I am talking about punishment as a consensual activity between two adults who understand what they are doing and are sufficiently well adjusted to do it in a safe way. I am not talking about criminal acts of violence or abuse. Our culture finds it difficult to make the distinction, but a submissive with even a small amount of experience can tell the difference.

Why is punishment necessary in submissive training? 
Punishment is an integral part of the training. It is necessary to challenge the negative ego traits that can be so destructive to individuals and their relationships. It is vital to ensuring that the training exercises are carried out as required – thoroughly, accurately and with maximum effort. Bad habits such as laziness, slovenliness, carelessness, lateness and suchlike have to be be eliminated, and sometimes it is necessary to experience a certain amount of pain and humiliation to achieve this. While corporal punishment is essential to the proper training of a submissive, this only becomes possible when face to face work with a dominant begins. Before this starts, punishments such as bar time and kneeling can be given for infractions.

Having said that I don't want to try and justify punishment, there are a number of reasons why it is helpful in a submissive's training. You may wish to reflect on this list and use it to check your own motivations:

• The relationship between you and your dominant involves an exchange of power and control. Punishment symbolises this exchange, and provides a sanction that the dominant can use.

• Your dominant will be instructing you to do things that you find difficult, that cause your ego to rebel. Trying to use your ego to overcome your ego isn't a recipe for success, so your dominant needs a sanction to overcome the resistances your ego will produce. Without such sanctions all your dominant can do is shame you, shout at you or sack you, none of which are desirable or productive outcomes.

• If punishment is not overt and physical it tends to emerge in a way which is covert and emotional. For a relationship this can be much more destructive. Most submissives are emotionally sensitive, and would far prefer the "short sharp shock" of pain to being subjected to an extended period of anger or withdrawal.

• Punishment tends to focus the mind. It makes the experience of submission more real, it is no longer just a role play or a mental activity done from the safety of a computer.

• Pain accelerates learning. Externally imposed discipline soon becomes self-discipline, and external control becomes self-control. This happens much more quickly if physical punishment is used than if it is merely an academic exercise.

• Punishment can be humiliating, often intentionally so. Accepting this humiliation will help you to learn humility.

• Submissiveness is demanding. It may sound good to be obedient and open, but putting the ideas into practise can be very challenging. The body rebels from holding an uncomfortable position, basic instincts make us want to resist doing unpleasant tasks, our addictions make us do things that we know we shouldn't. Punishment is a very practical means for reinforcing the will and bringing the ego under control.

• Keeping a record of infractions is an important task for a submissive in training, but without a punishment for these infractions the exercise will soon start to seem pointless. You will stop doing it, and the benefit of the discipline will be lost.

• Punishment can have beneficial psychological effects, if it is done in a caring way with consent. The pain pathways of the body trigger the release of opioid neurotransmitters in the brain which can lead to a state of stillness and calm, but also energy.

• Punishment can leave marks on your body which you should be proud to carry and display. They act as constant reminder of your state of submission to your  dominant, and the nature of the relationship between you. Your dominant will reinforce the significance of these marks by having you display them regularly.

• When you routinely experience pain in a manageable way, you learn to overcome it. Yes, there is a moment of intensely painful feeling as you are struck, but within a few seconds this subsides. As the pain subsides, the fear of pain starts to subside too, being replaced by a sense of achievement and inner strength.  As you overcome fear of pain, you also start to overcome fear of other people, they lose their power to hurt you. Soon there is a lot less to be afraid of, and letting go of fear brings liberation. Pain, paradoxically, sets you free,

• Punishment will force you to be a responsible adult, to grow up. A good dominant will not tolerate excuses, and the submissive quickly learns that only the highest standards are acceptable. There is much genuine pride to be gained from this, which is excellent for your self-esteem.