The purpose of this blog...

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The purpose of this blog is to share my thoughts about sadomasochism (S/M) and dominance and submission (D/s), in particular how they relate to psychotherapy. While I have practised psychotherapy for many years, I have also been drawn to these other fields, particularly domination.

While I can be very open about being a therapist, it seems almost impossible to be open at the same time about being dominant. The reasons for keeping quiet seem good ones, and rational - disapproval from colleagues, frightening off potential clients, expulsion from professional bodies, exposure in the media - all seem realistic thoughts.

I've searched the web to see how many other therapists are openly advertising their interest in S/M or D/s, and there seem to be very few. Several therapists are "kink aware" (See Kink Aware Professionals), but being "aware" is not the same as "practising".

So for now I'm keeping my identity hidden. But in doing that I don't feel entirely happy either. I spend my professional life helping my clients to be true to themselves, to be open, honest, and fearless. What sort of therapist am I if I can't do the same?

I am hoping that this site will provoke feedback from others who may be in a similar predicament, or from anyone who is interested in how these issues combine and overlap.

Comments

  1. Anonymous1 July 2007 at 21:22

    In a sense I think you are hard on yourself. There is an appropriate time and place for everything. Disclosure is one of those very tricky things. You would not talk to a client about your own sex life, nor would you want to advertise any aspect of your sex life (actual or potential) to the general public in such a way as to affect your practice. Unless you had the clientele to support a practice relating predominantly (there's a bad pun lurking in that word choice) to various kinks, what good could being that "open" possibly do other than fulfill some internal idea of integrity? (Not to underestimate the value of congruence.) If a client appeared as you browsed the erotica section of the local bookseller, or worse, the aisles of a local sex shop, how would you respond?

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  2. Pain Healer3 July 2007 at 13:06

    Thanks for your comment, and I agree it's a tricky area which everyone has to work out for themselves. I know several gay therapists who are able to be very open about their sexuality in a way that would not have been possible just a few years ago, and I hope the same could eventually be true for D/s.

    I have found that being able to be open in a limited way via this blog has helped, as I am now able to be more relaxed about telling the people I choose to tell. These days a client is unlikely to find me in a sex shop!

    One difficulty that is arising for me more often as I become more attuned is when I start to sense that a client is struggling with dominant or submissive feelings in themselves, and I am left in a quandary as to how much of myself to reveal.

    PH

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  3. lpcdec@gmail.com4 July 2007 at 03:31

    Sounds like the blog is providing that "if I say my secret out loud and the sky doesn't fall and the therapist doesn't run shrieking from the room while e-mailing the board and phoning my family then perhaps it's not such a horrible thing and maybe I could even tell a second person" experience for you. And, yes, I have a much shorter phrasing of that concept I use with clients, but I'm indulging myself here!

    As for wrestling with disclosure, what happens when you ask yourself "is this disclosure more for me or for the client?"

    Has any attempt to normalize clients' concerns proved insufficient, or are the clients even aware of dominance and submission as underlying themes?

    Do you think there is any shame lurking around your your thoughts?

    Now that I think of it, imagining letting anyone who even knows what I do for a living become aware of my own interest in D/s and related topics generates all sorts of imaginary worst case liability scenarios for me. Which is sad. Which brings us right back to where you began.

    LPCDEC

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  4. Pain Healer4 July 2007 at 15:51

    (grinning) There's also the "delayed paranoid position" which says something like "Just because the sky hasn't fallen in YET it doesn't mean there isn't someone out there secretly gathering information to hit you with in three years time when you're least expecting it" - I can do that one from time to time.

    On talking about D/s with clients, I think this probably merits a separate post, but a theme I keep hearing from (submissive) readers of this blog is "I went through one abusive relationship after another until I discovered D/s". I'd like to help clients to avoid that trap if possible, but in so doing it's hard to prevent it becoming obvious that I know a lot more than I'm letting on.

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