Pain Healer

I'm very aware that my ideas are not for everyone, I've had plenty of feedback over the years that confirms this. It therefore world seem to be a good idea, and save everybody's time, if I spell out who they are aimed at. The content of this blog might appeal to you if you recognise a strong element of natural submissiveness in your personality and want to develop that in order to serve our planet. It may also appeal to you if you already have experience of BDSM but want to take it to a deeper, more meaningful level. You will have already seen the beneficial effects submission has on your personality and relationships, and want to help spread those benefits to others. Having said that, I also want keep this space open to you if you have not been active in any sort of "scene", as this is by no means essential. You may be drawn to self-sacrifice, and be looking for guidance on how to go about this. You may be attracted to spiritual service, but find yourself...

It's over ten years since I last posted to this blog, and a lot has happened in that time, both personally for me and globally for humanity. I feel that we now live at a critical time. Our civilisation faces multiple threats, of which climate change is the one that gives me the most cause for urgency, but there are many more. Anyone who isn't disturbed by these threats either hasn't looked at the evidence, of which there is plenty, or is in denial. I'm interested in talking to those people who are not in denial, who have looked at the evidence, but may be struggling to know what to do about it. This is where my fundamental interest in dominance and submission comes into play. It's something I've always been drawn to, for as long as I can remember, but I've not been particularly interested in using it as a form of "play". It's felt much more serious than that, and in the ten years since I last posted I've come to realise ...

In corresponding with some of the submissives who send me e-mails, I have noticed a disturbing pattern - the number of women who are getting emotionally wounded by prematurely attempting to become “slaves”. Now it’s important to get the terminology right, and I don’t know what other Doms and subs mean precisely when they talk about Master / slave relationships. For me becoming a “slave” represents an extremely intense and challenging form of D/s relationship, one in which the slave surrenders a significant proportion of her freedom, independence, rights and control to the Master. To me, this is something which should only be attempted by someone who has been thoroughly trained as a submissive by a Dom who knows what he is doing, and who has spent a considerable period of time exploring her submissiveness. Some of those who I hear from haven’t even reached the point where I would regard them as submissive, let alone ready to become slaves. Some are surprised to learn that train...

This post is on a subject that I have been trying to write about for many months, but until now I’ve not been able to get it clear enough in my mind to set down. It is about what happens when the relationship between a daughter and her father gets distorted in childhood, and I have seen the effects in my therapy work in a large number of my female clients. I suspect that it afflicts many submissive women, and it may indeed be the primary driving force behind many D/s relationships between a male Dom and female sub. What makes the father-daughter wound so hard to describe is that the consequences in the life of the daughter can be as varied as they are far reaching. Relationships, career, social life, home life, all can be affected. There may be uncontrolled rage or helpless timidity, fears and panics or iron-clad defences, frigidity or sexual addiction. There may be a relentless searching for the right relationship, or a life of lonely isolation. Almost any psychological pola...

When I read the blogs and websites of D/s practitioners I see a huge amount of experimentation going on into diverse forms of relationship. I regard the people who try out these relationships as true pioneers, boldly going where the less adventurous don’t dare. In my opinion these pioneers are doing mankind a service, if current divorce rates are anything to go by. I’m not indiscriminately glorifying D/s relationships, because I’m sure that they have their share of problems. In any situation where there is experimentation there has to be failure. But if we are to do anything about reducing the human misery that unhappy and failed marriages cause, it must be worth reviewing what these pioneers are doing to see what might be helpful to others. The following is an incomplete list of some of the dysfunctional relationships I see on a daily basis: Relationships that are unduly restrictive, forcing one partner or both to suppress a significant part of their p...

Georgie Porgie pudding and pie, Kissed the girls and made them cry, When the boys came out to play, Georgie Porgie ran away This bit of doggerel came into my head while doing a job around the house, one of those nursery rhymes from my childhood. I’d rather it hadn’t come into my head, but it wouldn’t go away so I started to analyse it, and realised with a shock just how much it had affected me. It should have been just a piece of nonsense verse, but in my childhood world, full of toxic attitudes to sexuality, it became a little fragmentation grenade of poisonous messages: Girls don’t like being kissed, it makes them cry. It’s bad to make girls cry, and Georgie was really awful for doing it. Georgie wasn’t like the other good boys who wouldn’t dream of making girls cry. If he was “normal” he would be running round with the other boys playing football, not messing with girls. If the other boys caught him he’d be “for it”. Georgie was too muc...

My previous post on personalities relates to any aspect of the personality, but now I would like to connect it specifically with dominance and submission. As I have previously theorised, dominance and submissiveness are built into the human genetic makeup, and these traits are amplified or attenuated by our environment and experiences. They can be present in varying degrees in all the personality layers. Let me take two hypothetical examples - "Jack" and "Jill" Jack Jack’s father started drinking when Jack was 8 years old, and he would often be woken in the night by sounds of fighting and his mother being beaten up. As Jack grew older he wanted to challenge his father and protect his mother, but she begged him not to intervene as it would only make things worse. Jack promised himself never to treat women in this way. When he was 17 there was a major confrontation with his father in which Jack's rage erupted and he knocked his father to the ground...